Cross country moves are NOT for the faint of heart. Let me tell you I could have MULTIPLE blog posts on the crazy that ensued when we began our journey from Florida to Texas. Seriously. Lots of crazy!! But, what kept us going, through it all, was the clear voice of God telling us THIS was His plan for us, and that we were embarking on an amazing journey. In my shortsightedness, I thought He was being literal- Talking about the journey of actually getting from place one to place two; that He was working in the getting to and fro. Just look at (some of) the crazy that actually took place: monsoon rains while packing the semi, epic falls off said semi, too.much.stuff, midnight Salvation Army donations, hours and hours and hours of work, car vandalism, and NO HOME to go to once we got there (that is a whole 'nother story!).
But, what I am learning more and more as I walk with Jesus through life- is that He is rarely just literal! He is so much more! He wasn't talking about our "journey" as the few weeks between deciding to leave and getting to the new place. The "journey" is our life. Our story. So- fast forward a few weeks... maybe a month. And, we had found a house, and have started to settle in. I was falling deeply in love with Texas and all that being a "Texan" involves! I was loving the culture, the decor, and the countryside. I was a happy camper. But, the boxes and chaos of unpacking were getting out of control. Seriously, I was a mad (wo)man on a mission and anyone in my way might have gotten run over. I needed to enjoy my home. To make it ours- make it comfortable, but beautiful. A place we all love to be and surrounds us with a warm, beautiful hug. Right. Because isn't that as women our first go to? What do I need to do? What do I need to fix? What can I improve about this or about you child right there or you husband over there? (ouch!) I began to dream, and Pinterest had NOTHING on me. I was pinning to my hearts content. The problem was, the more I dove into fixing up this house to be a home, the more agitated I got. The more I tried to make the house look good, well designed, put together the more I began to feel yucky, messy, and totally not put together. I really couldn't put a finger on what was stirring up these feelings in me.
As I began to bring these feelings to the Lord- through worship at Church and through prayer at home I began to HEAR Him. Not in that loud booming "Moses" voice that we imagine. But, I started listening to what He was actually saying to me in the stillness of my heart. The quiet, strong, repetitive words. Once I started truly listening I stopped putting my own spin to the words that He gave.
This is what He said:
STOP decorating the inside of your home to create order and peace. LOOK at the hearts inside your home. START decorating the hearts inside your home to live in ME for ME. MY fruits of the Spirit will bring the calm, order and peace your heart is craving. Then your house will become a home.
WOAH!!! When I really heard Him I STOPPED in my tracks. My heart poured open and I knew with all that I am I had been going about this "decorating" in such a wrong way! What was really bothering me was not the chaos of some brown boxes and so much newspaper, but our hearts in chaos. The ugliness and hurt that I could see inside my own heart, and what was being displayed by my family. I mean, I didn't see any future axe murderers- but I saw self centeredness, bickering, anger, and some other unlovely things.
It reminded me of these verses in Matthew 23: